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Muslim Wedding planning

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For people across the world, a wedding is a time of joy, celebration and unity – and for followers of Islam, this isn’t any different. While there are obviously some differences between a Muslim wedding and other religious or non-religious ceremonies, culture and personal preference still play a pivotal role in what happens on the big day (or days).

Be it a three-day Indian wedding or a traditional Western format, there are certain elements of Muslim weddings that are consistent across the world. This step by step guide by modern muslim fashion brand AbayaButh, shares tips for planning your traditional Muslim wedding – from the ceremony to special customs and outfits!

The Date

When it comes to planning a wedding date, many Muslims favour the Islamic month of Shawwal, but this isn’t essential. Most times of year are suitable, though you should avoid the sacred months of Ramadan and Muharram. This means you’re free to organise your wedding for your favourite time of year – whether that be a blissful summer wedding or a cosy winter affair.

Arrange The Wedding Venue

In Islam, it’s not compulsory to marry in a mosque, which means you’ll have scope to pick a venue of your own choice. Whether you’d like an intimate setting with just your closest family by your side, or a larger venue to accommodate a wider circle of friends, the decision is yours as to where you want the ceremony and celebrations to take place. After the ceremony itself there will be a walimah, which is usually a meal where guests can celebrate the occasion – though this can be anything from large-scale festivities to a pared-back and quiet gathering.

When it comes to the walimah, you should think about the food you would like served. In many cultures, it’s members of the family who provide the food and drink on the day – and what you serve is entirely personal preference. Local fare is often provided at modern Muslim weddings, and usually includes sheep, goat or alternative meats such as chicken or fish. Again, specifics vary depending on region.

Agree On A Mahar

As one of the most important days in the life of a Muslim, there can be a lot of pressure to pull off the perfect wedding. Again, personal preference will be your guide throughout the wedding planning process, but you should consider the key elements that make up the ceremony. One of the first things to think about once a date has been set is the mahar, a pre-agreed dowry payment from the groom to the bride. Agreeing on a suitable mahar is something usually discussed privately between the bride’s and groom’s families, and can be anything within the groom’s financial means. From a lavish piece of jewellery to an item of clothing or a simple payment of money, making this decision well ahead of time will ensure the groom has plenty of time to prepare before the big day.

Hen-na Night

A common tradition amongst Muslim brides to be in the Middle East and South Asia is to have a henna party a few days before the ceremony, where delicate, artful patterns are drawn on the hands and feet of the bride. Make the most of this ceremony by giving gifts to the bride and eating lovely food – this party is a perfect opportunity for female bonding before the big day! It’s also common to have a similar ceremony for the groom, so find yourself a skilled henna artist and you’re well on your way to a perfect pre-wedding celebration.

It’s not just the bride and groom that will celebrate before the wedding. A common ceremony in Islamic cultures is the fatha, in which the fathers of the bride and groom, along with male family and friends, stretch out their arms and recite prayers at the local mosque the Friday after the proposal. Make sure to make time for these important ceremonies before your wedding for a flawless Islamic ceremony.

The Wedding Dress

The aesthetic of your Muslim wedding can be anything you like, as long as it’s modest. Some Wedding dresses are intricately patterned with embroidery and jewels sewn in to really make the ceremony as opulent as possible, but others opt for a more simple, one-colour design. As Islam is an incredibly diverse religion, no two Islamic cultures are the same. If your wedding is cross-cultural, then even better, as the best and most beautiful aspects from your respective cultures can be combined to make a ceremony that is a perfect blend of the bride and groom’s personalities.

The Ceremony

Next, you’ll need to think about the ceremony, or nikah, itself. The nikah can be as simple as you like, requiring only two male witnesses and a Muslim knowledgeable in Islamic law – which is usually an imam or Qazi. Separated in two different rooms or areas of the hall, you and your partner will be presented with the nikah namah – the marriage contract – which will be signed after being read aloud to those present. The officiator will then solemnise the marriage by reading a sermon, which is most often the first chapter of the Quran.

A Muslim wedding bears many similarities to weddings in other religions – they’re a time to celebrate love, faith and unity. Whether you’re a bride-to-be in India, England, Malaysia or Egypt, your wedding day will be one of the most important of your life – so put in preparation well ahead of time to pull off the wedding of your dreams.

 

The Wedding Processional Order

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When planning a wedding, we’ve listed the entire processional order starting with mother of the bride and finishing with the bride. Make sure your bridal team know who they should follow and who goes next…

Mother of the bride

The mother of the bride is the first to walk down the aisle to mark the start of the procession. She traditionally takes the first seat in the left hand aisle.

Mother of the groom

The mother of the groom shortly follows, taking the first seat in the front right hand row.

Grandparents of the bride

If both grandparents are attending your wedding it is also tradition for them to be included in the wedding procession. The grandparents of the bride should sit in the front left hand row with the

Mother of the bride.

Grandparents of the groom

Followed by grandparents of the groom who should sit in the front right hand row with the mother of the groom.

Groomsmen

The groomsmen can walk in one by one or together and will stand at the front awaiting the entrance of the Groom.

Best Man & Groom

The best man may walk in with the Groom or as the last of the groomsmen. The best man will stand by the groom’s side during the wedding ceremony and often holds the bride’s ring or both rings.

Officiant

A crucial element to the ceremony, the officiant of the marriage is also honoured with a position in the processional either down the aisle or from another side room. The officiant will stand at the front with the groom.

Bridesmaids & Maid of honour

Traditionally the bridesmaids will walk in together, closely followed by the maid of honour who is the last person to assist the bride with her dress and make sure the bride looks perfect for her entrance.

Flower girls, page boys & ring bearer

Flower girls, page boys and/or the ring bearer will precede the bride down the aisle. This marks the end of the processional, the rings are given to the best man and maid of honour by the ring bearer.

Father of the bride and the bride

Finally, the bride’s father will traditionally walk his daughter down the aisle and give her away to the groom who waits at the altar. The father of the bride will then take his seat next to the mother of the bride.

 

Who should do what

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Planning a wedding is a pretty daunting task for any bride and groom, which is why traditionally the bridal party have a number of jobs to help with the process, and to ensure smooth wedding planning at all times…

Bride and groom

The bride and groom’s biggest responsibility is obviously to seal the deal and get married, but they have some crucial planning decisions to make first. It’s important that the bride and groom work on these decisions together and share the workload fairly, and that both are happy with each decision made.

  • Set the budget
  • Compile a guest list (this will be influenced by the budget)
  • Choose a theme, date and venue – make the necessary reservations and deposits
  • Organise invites, flowers, a photographer and wedding entertainment
  • Choose the wedding rings
  • Write the wedding vows
  • Thank-you notes for the guests
  • Greet everyone at the reception
  • Dance the first dance at the reception – some couples have lessons beforehand

In addition to the bride and groom’s joint responsibilities, each traditionally have tasks to handle on their own. The bride needs to choose her bridesmaids and maid of honour and their dresses, and choose a gift for her hubby-to-be. The groom needs to choose his groomsmen and best man and their attire, and also choose a gift for his wife-to-be.

Bride’s parents

In past traditions the bride’s parents have always paid for the majority of the wedding, but today the cost is usually distributed between mainly the couple, the bride’s parents and the groom’s parents. However there are still certain responsibilities for the bride’s parents to take care of.

  • Help the bride and groom with the guest list
  • Offer assistance and moral support with the wedding details
  • Attend any wedding rehearsals
  • The bride’s father escorts her to the ceremony and usually walks her down the aisle

Groom’s parents

The groom’s parents have very similar responsibilities to the groom’s parents:

  • Help the bride and groom with the guest list
  • Offer assistance and moral support with the wedding details
  • Attend any wedding rehearsals

Maid of honour

The maid of honour is traditionally a sister or best friend, and is the member of the bridal party that the bride relies most on. The maid of honour’s responsibilities include:

  • Organising any bridesmaid-related activities
  • Coordinating the hen do
  • Most importantly, organising the wedding dress shopping and any fittings
  • Helping the bride and groom with any ad–hoc tasks or errands  (keeping record of RSVPs, etc)
  • Attend any wedding rehearsals
  • Help the bride dress and get ready on the morning of the wedding
  • Arrange her veil and train during the processional and recessional
  • Holds the bride’s bouquet at the altar
  • Sign the marriage license as the bride’s witness
  • Helps the bride during the reception with the dress

Bridesmaids

There is no minimum or maximum number when it comes to bridesmaids and you can have as many as you want for your wedding. Bridesmaids can be single, married and any age.

  • Assist the maid of honour with the wedding planning duties and help the bride when needed
  • Help organise the hen do
  • Attend any wedding rehearsals
  • Walk in the processional and recessional

Best man

The best man is the groom’s go–to man during the wedding planning and his biggest support. The best man is traditionally the groom’s brother or best friend, and can be single, married and any age again.

  • Organise the stag do
  • Help to organise the groomsmen’s suit fitting and pick this up before the wedding say
  • Write a speech for the wedding reception
  • Attend any wedding rehearsals
  • Make sure the groom gets to the ceremony on time
  • Brings the rings to the ceremony
  • Signs the marriage license as the groom’s witness

Groomsmen

Apart from assisting the best man, the groomsmen don’t actually have many responsibilities before the wedding.

  • Help the best man with any wedding planning duties
  • Attend the stag do
  • Attend any wedding rehearsals
  • Arrive early at the ceremony on the wedding day and help to greet and seat guests

Save on your wedding reception

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Wedding receptions swallow up a big part of every bride’s budget, but it doesn’t mean you have to get into debt! Here’s a great guide and we’ll help you stay in the black on your big day.

Prioritise costs

Spend more on the things you need the most. The four big items of a wedding are the wedding dress, the wedding photographer, the venue and your entertainment, so focus getting those first.

Consider all inclusive days

It’s not always cheaper to do everything yourself – package deals are often much cheaper than hiring all the different details on the day and the convenience of having it all sorted for you makes the whole process a lot less stressful!

Attend wedding fayres

Wedding fayres are brilliant for gathering ideas for your big day, shopping for unique items and grabbing some big day bargains. The National Wedding Shows are a great starting point for new brides-to-be and many suppliers offer exclusive show discounts.

Off-peak discounts

You can save money by having your wedding on a weekday. On the day, you’ll be on cloud nine and won’t care what day it is, just make sure your send out your RSVPs early so your guests have time to book holiday at work.

DIY your details

The best way to save money and make the day your own is to make some details yourself. Use the skills of friends and family to help you out as their wedding gift to you.

Out of season dates

Your venue and all your suppliers will cost less if you hold your big day out of season (October to April). You are also more likely to get your first choice of venue out of season – it may even be cheaper outside of the popular summer months.

Double up!

Save money by using your wedding items more than once. Your ceremony flowers can be used at the reception, your bridesmaids’ bouquets can be used as top table decorations, and favours can double up as place cards.

Discount venues

The wedding venue can be the most expensive part of the budget. So slash costs by hiring a local village hall or a private club. These can be dressed up to be made to look as good as any big-budget wedding venue.

 

Controversial Wedding Music

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When planning your wedding, the choices that you can make for each part of the day are immeasurable. There are simply so many options that it’s not even possible for every wedding planner to run through them all. One area that doesn’t seem to be quite so unique is the wedding ceremony music; many opt for a traditional theme that they have heard before like Mendelssohn’s Wedding March or Pachelbel’s Canon in D. That being said, some of the pieces are a tad controversial. Here’s why!

Wagner’s Bridal Chorus

Richard Wagner’s Bridal Chorus is perhaps the most well-known music chosen by couples on their wedding day. Known by many as ‘Here Comes the Bride’, we are pretty certain that you’ll have heard the piece before, even if not at a wedding. Why is it controversial? The music was composed as part of Wagner’s opera, Lohengrin and lovers of the operatic music scene may very well be aware of where the piece featured. Although it was used during a wedding scene, the marriage itself was short-lived. Not the omen you’d like on your wedding day! Richard Wagner was also notoriously anti-Semitic, which is another reason you may wish to avoid picking the Bridal Chorus for your wedding ceremony.

Mendelssohn’s Wedding March

Although hugely popular, Mendelssohn’s most famous work has proved to be controversial to its literary origins. Mendelssohn was commissioned by Prussian monarch Friedrich Wilhelm IV to compose a number of pieces to accompany various pieces of literature in order to revive a lagging genre in society at the time. In 1843, Mendelssohn was tasked with writing music for Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream and this is where the Wedding March comes from. Why controversial? That particular play features a lot of pagan mythology including magic, fairies and fantasy, of which many in Roman Catholicism are uncomfortable. Is it therefore inappropriate for a Christian wedding ceremony? We don’t have the answer but it’s always best to check.

Schubert’s Ave Maria

Another tune that is popular during the wedding ceremony or as a prelude to the bride’s arrival, Ave Maria is a beautiful piece of music that was originally composed by Schubert for Sir Walter Scott’s Lady of the Lake in 1810. The plot of the story focuses on King James V banishing the Douglas clan to a castle on Loch Katrine and one of the group’s number is Ellen, a daughter who has to live with her exiled father. The initial lyrics have changed over the years to convey a more matrimonial tone, but some fear the lyrics don’t quite go far enough. Some hear them and feel the song is a beautiful hymn to a loving mother while others believe the words to convey the desperate cries of an exiled bride.

No matter which wedding music you opt for on your big day, we advise a couple to choose whatever makes them most happy. Still, it’s interesting to know the provenance of the tunes you might hear!

 

The best wedding entertainment

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When it comes to choosing wedding entertainment, many have absolutely no idea where to begin. That’s no surprise either; why would you know where to begin when for most this is something completely new to experience! Very few newlyweds have ever been married before so to expect the bride and groom to know how to choose wedding entertainment is ludicrous. Thankfully, we are here to help!

Restrictions

It’s best to start by looking at the wedding venue you have chosen and working backwards from there. Are there any restrictions in place that might immediately cut down your list into  a more manageable size? Many wedding venues are very old or are situated close to public areas. In this case, they may have a sound limiter which means you probably won’t be able to book that Metallica tribute band you had your eye on. Others might prevent wedding parties from having jugglers or acrobats indoors due to the highly expensive art on the walls. Ask your wedding venue whether they have any restrictions in place before booking wedding entertainment.

Taste

The important thing to remember about your wedding day entertainment is that it is all about you! The bride and groom! There’s no point booking a harpist if you can’t stand the harp (though in all honesty, we not sure any harp haters actually exist) and if you absolutely love card tricks, feel free to book a magician if it’s what you want. Your wedding day is exactly that: your wedding day. Make sure it’s everything you first envisaged after getting engaged!

What’s most important to you?

The bride and groom are often exceptionally busy on the wedding day itself so tend to ‘miss out’ on a lot of what’s going on by virtue of having other things to do. While your guests are sipping at champagne, the happy couple will often venture off to have their wedding photos taken. As everybody is enjoying their wedding breakfast, the couple often have to walk between tables as each guest wishes to congratulate them on their day. So what matters most to you? If you’d prefer to have attendees chatting to one another, a magician can help break the ice. If you’d like a fun photo album of your day, booking a photo booth is a must. Have a think and we are certain you’ll be able to prioritise accordingly!

Inside/Outside

Booking wedding entertainment definitely varies depending on whether your wedding is inside or outside. In the summer, you might want to book a strolling acoustic act, but always have a backup idea in place if it starts to rain! If your event is taking place mainly indoors, there will naturally be a few types of wedding entertainment that won’t necessarily work.

Consider your budget

The final consideration to make when it comes choosing wedding entertainment is your budget. Newlyweds don’t want to start married life with a mountain of debt but it does happen so please only book what you can afford. At the end of the day, a wedding is a marvellous celebration of a couple’s love for one another and nothing should get in the way of that. If you can’t afford a function band, then perhaps look at booking a DJ. There are a multitude of options available for any budget so there really is something for everyone.

 

Should you wear a Garter?

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So how do you wear a garter and what should they look like? Garters are often ivory and blue silk, satin or lace – ivory to match your dress and the pale blue to be your ‘something blue.’ They come in old fashioned lacy Edwardian or racy contemporary styles in all colours and widths, with ribbons or crystals or, if you’re superstitious, a lucky 6 pence in a matching bag stitched to the garter.

You can even get edible candy garters for the naughty child in you! Garters should be worn mid-thigh and were originally designed to hold up silk stockings by tying a length of silk or cotton around the top, before the invention of elastic, or nylon, or tights for that matter!

Embroidered keepsake garters

Sweet Nothings Lingerie and Silk Garters both offer a bespoke service where you can have a garter made in your chosen style, colour and fabrics. A biker bride could have a leather garter made, another bride may prefer to have a personalized garter embroidered with her new married name and the date of her wedding to have as a keepsake long after the wedding.

Tossing the garter

These days many brides have two garters, one to treasure as a keepsake of the wedding, the other for her new husband to (ahem) ‘toss’ to the male guests at the reception. Traditional folklore has it that the groom removes the bride’s garter and throws it to his single friends after the wedding in much the same way that his new wife throws the bouquet, but this strikes a startling image of a hapless male struggling to get the darn thing off. No, once slipped onto a sexy thigh, we think it’s better left there for your new husband to peel off later, much, much later.

Garters for every size of thigh

For slim or sexy thighs they provide an ideal photo opportunity for the wedding album. And for sexy plus-size brides there are plus-size garters out there to fit every thigh. About a Bride offers plus-size bridal garters in dress sizes from 18-54. Yes 54! So there’s no excuse if you want to wear one!

 

It’s only just begun

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When planning a wedding the first step is your engagement and your journey has now begun. You are both on your way to being Mr & Mrs. but before you walk down the aisle or have that romantic first dance, you need to have the ever so popular engagement party!

The engagement party is the time to get all your friends and family together to celebrate the brilliant news. Many questions surround engagement parties such as who organises the party, how close after the engagement should the party be, who should we invite etc. Well, here are some ideas…

Set the date- This is the most popular question… When is the right time for an engagement party? Well firstly, when you are engaged is a good start, but I figure you already know that! So the most popular time frame for an engagement party is within the first 4 months of your engagement. This is because there will still be such excitement and this is the calm before the storm of wedding planning. Go show off that new engagement ring, dance together as an engaged couple and enjoy the planning of the engagement party.

Invites- State clearly that is an engagement party, and not your wedding! You would be surprised at how often this happens. Also tell your guests the venue, time and dress code if applicable. Your engagement invites should represent what you and your fiancé are like as a couple so if you are having a formal engagement party, your invite’s should portray this. But if it is non-formal and more of a knees up then your invites do not have to be as formal. I know I know, but it is the small detail which makes all the difference!

Decorations- This is the part you can have loads of fun with. You could go and buy some engagement banners and balloons and have the balloons filled with helium for table centrepieces. These can be found very easily from any party shop. You could also print out loads of photos of you and your fiancé from the day you met to the present day and place them around the room, your guests will love looking at these and it will bring back some beautiful memories. You could choose a theme for your engagement party and play on this. Even get your guests to dress up so your party really will be unique.

The Guest List- Firstly, do not invite guests to the engagement party who will not be invited to your wedding. So make sure that the guests at your party will also be partying with you on your wedding day. The guest list can be as small or big as you like. Many futures brides and grooms prefer for the engagement party just to be close family and the full bridal party.

Entertainment- Your engagement party is overall the first steps towards your wedding and therefore it is a reflection of your wedding day. Your entertainment can be kept simple with a DJ and a few fun family games or you could go all out and hire a live band. Live bands are a great source of entertainment at an engagement party as they can talk to the crowd and really get them involved.

Overall just enjoy it all. This is you and your fiancés first official party as an engaged couple and that is all that matters. It is all about celebrating this massive milestone in each other’s lives and also spending it with your friends and family.

 

Avoiding family feuding

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It’s so easy to forget that there’s an entire family unit (equally important as your own) that may be completely oblivious to the upcoming wedding plans; and although many in-laws are perfectly happy with this scenario for others, it can lead to feelings of rejection and sometimes even resentment if they don’t feel the same level of involvement.

The date has been confirmed, and almost instantaneously, your neatly arrange personal wedding planner is bunged with wedding dress appointments, wedding fair flyers and Wedding cakes sampling sessions. Yet in the midst of all this creative carnage, there may be a few VIPs left feeling a tad isolated… the in-laws.

Out of nowhere tensions rise and emotions flare as you’re left wondering why you’ve been lumbered with such a treacherous display of family feuding. Is this a tiny glimpse of what to expect during married life? A moody mother-in-law offloading her dismay to anyone who’ll listen? Or worse still, comparing you to her other daughter-in-law who is seen as the definition of perfection.

As we all know, when planning a wedding it isn’t just about the Wedding Dress and elaborate selfies. It’s a time when two families become one, so make them feel that way before the big day.

Organising fun family get-togethers can be a great way of helping everyone bond, relax and feel included. It’s always a good idea to start off with a neutral environment such as trying out a new restaurant together. If all goes well, keep up the momentum with joint barbeques, birthdays and regular catch-ups.

Inviting both mums along to help you pick a wedding dress is a great way of making everyone feel extra special, particularly if your mother-in-law has no little girls of her own to coo over. However, if this seems a little too invasive then why not ask for her help with choosing the bridesmaids dress or accessories? It will really help in making her feel a big part of the leading ladies.

Seeing as many grooms enjoy mulling over the manly aspects of wedding planning such as choosing wedding cars, then why not encourage your future hubby to invite his dad along for the day? The two men can spend an entire afternoon bonding over some vintage vehicles, maybe grab some grub and have a good old father-son catch up.

If your groom’s dad is a whizz in the kitchen or his mum’s an expert in arts and crafts, you have the perfect opportunity to include their input for the important finishing touches such as making little edible favours or creating artistic centrepieces for the guest tables. You’ll be amazing at how thrilled they’ll be to show off their creative skills!

Why not start out with a chirpy text message or email? At least they’ll know you’re thinking about them and aren’t as likely to feel completely left out of the loop.

Being able to build and maintain healthy relationships is something we all struggle with at the best of times, however regular communication can help avoid many unwanted feelings of exclusion. As they say, prevention is better than a cure.

 

Proposing on Valentine’s Day

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It’s completely understandable why you’d want to! Is there a more romantic day of the year? Whilst everyone seems to be planning a wedding you haven’t even proposed yet!!! So even if the day is cliché, your proposal doesn’t have to be. Here are 5 creative ways to propose on Valentine’s Day!

1. Say It with Paint

For the imaginative couple who loves to try new things together, hide your proposal in painting class. Most cities offer a wine/paint class, where romance and art meet! They’ll assume that you’ve found something new and exciting to do together, never suspecting that you have a proposal waiting. And after the big event, you’ll have a momento to remember the evening for the rest of your lives.

The Proposal: Paint several easels ahead of time, spelling out “Will You Marry Me?” and make arrangements with the class instructor to have them help coordinate the big reveal.

2.Create a Storybook

There’s no better way to lead up to the next chapter in your life than to start at the beginning. Create a book about the journey that has brought you to this moment by highlighting key moments in your relationship! Start with how you met, your first date, first holidays, memorable trips, or inside jokes along the way. Don’t worry if you’re not an amazing artist or writer…just keep it simple and we promise it will be a hit. Even stick figures are romantic when it’s all about your love story! Using your own photographs is another option, for more of a “scrapbook” feel. You can have your book bound at local printing shops.

The Proposal: On the very last page, create a part of the story that says something like “This is when I asked you to be mine forever.” Or simply draw or include a picture of a ring!

3. Put It in the Movies

Are you and your love a couple of movie buffs? Rent out an ad space at your local theatre to play your “trailer” asking them to marry you! Thanks to technology, you can produce a short video fairly easily using video editing software. Or hire a Videographer to help you produce something that’s a little more high-end. Turn your life into a true romantic comedy with clips of video of the two of you, or recreate classic scenes from old romantic movies. We guarantee they won’t see this one coming!

The Proposal: During the last scene of the trailer, proclaim your proposal onscreen and have the ring waiting for the moment of surprise.

4. Take It to the Streets

An idea for the artsy couple, or just those who appreciate spontaneity and the unexpected: Incorporate live art. The trend of “living creativity” is definitely growing, and live artists are quite amazing to watch. Maybe you set up an evening stroll, and “happen” to come across a Performing Artist who is painting on a canvas, or creating a chalk mural on the sidewalk. Encourage your significant other to stop and take it in for a moment, for a truly unique memory.

The Proposal: Coordinate with the artist ahead of time to have them include the two of you in their piece. As your darling realises that it’s about the two of you, pull out the ring for your big moment.

5. Love to Laugh?

Looking for unconventional ways to propose? This is for the couple that loves to laugh. If you and your significant other are always teasing each other a prank could be a perfect fit! Maybe you book a Singing Telegram that “proposes” to the wrong person, or a hire a Mariachi Band to follow them around (while you act clueless of course). You know what makes them laugh better than anyone, so get creative!

The Proposal: After you’ve tortured them for a few minutes, whip out the ring and let them know that they’re the only one for you.